


Cheshire’s rules on what to eat: No Longer Applicable

by VictrolaDoll



Category: Alice in Wonderland (2010), Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Related Fandoms, Mad T Party Band
Genre: Assault, Other, Violence, comical confussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 11:30:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4099387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictrolaDoll/pseuds/VictrolaDoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A oneshot drabble where The Cheshire cat goes a-hunting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheshire’s rules on what to eat: No Longer Applicable

**Author's Note:**

> So… This doesn’t actually fit into my head-cannon anywhere… but it was just too funny and I had to put it out there.

The Cheshire Cat had always made sure to be very careful regarding what, and who, he ate. In Underland things could get confusing at times, but so long as a sly feline like himself followed a few simple rules, everyone got along just fine. It’s not that he was easy to kill. In fact in his millennia of life, it had never happened, but it was simply so much easier not to have to deal with everybody getting so riled up. And so, the rules stood thusly:

1- Do not go after anything too clever.

2- Do not go after anyone who lives or works in a pack. Herds are brainless and nobody really cares if one or two creatures go missing, but packs care for their own.

3- Do not go after anything higher on the food chain than you are (Although, being what he was meant that this category was relatively small).

4- If you intend to eat a creature that falls into any of the above categories (especially the second), do not kill it *cough*(directly)*cough*, and be sure that the family knows that you are not at fault, before taking advantage of the remains.

5- Do not mess with dormice. While they do not always fall under rules one or two, and certainly not three, they have a ridiculous sense of personal slight at the loss of their own. The annoying things can call upon multitudes of extended relative who they may never have met to avenge a single fallen comrade.

This new and interesting home in Upworld was a lot less difficult to maneuver when it came to food, but The Cheshire Erstwhile Cat was finding it much harder to control a slightly different type of appetite. The thrill of the hunt and catch always made his blood pump faster sending a satisfying tingle through his limbs. Only now when he caught sight of an especially delicious looking morsel, it was one limb in particular that sang out above the rest and this was causing the Cheshire no little amount of confusion…

* * *

Chess jumped towards Mallymkun, slamming him into the nearest wall, “Hello, my dear mouse.”

Mally squeaked. He knew that, in this world, there was no clan of dormice to protect him. Taking courage in the newly lessened difference in their sizes, the former dormouse set his jaw and pushed the larger man away, scrabbling to fight against The Cheshire’s strapping frame. He almost managed to pull away, shifting his torso to the side. Unfortunately, his left his legs still tangled between Chess’s own. Mally’s fear blinded and hasty attempt to bolt brought the two of them crashing to the floor in a tangle.

It did not take long for Chess to regain control, using his entire weight to press Mally’s body into the floor. He paused, feeling the mouse stop grappling for freedom, and simply struggle to breath under the cat’s substantial bulk. Chess nuzzled into the curve of the Mally’s neck, licking the soft flesh with his rasping tongue. The whey-faced creature beneath him tasted just delicious and The Cheshire craved  to sink his teeth into that pallid flesh and sate his… hunger? He frowned. No. This felt different.

Heart beating with excitement.  _Check_.

Body a-tingle with anticipation.  _Also, check_.

An intense feeling of what could only be hunger driving his instincts frantic with need.  _Most definitely check_!

Stomach eagerly awaiting incoming sustenance.  _Not… check_?

Instead a slightly lower portion of his physical manifestation was aching for satiation.

Mally carefully cracked an eye open. Chess was still on top of him, but was no longer making any moves to chow down. The larger man suddenly sat up. Mally gasped as his lungs were freed, but immediately gagged as all of The Cheshire Cat’s weight landed directly on his gut, just above his bladder.

The Cat in question completely ignored Mally’s renewed struggles to free himself. Instead he pulled out the waistband of his pants, looking down into their contents with a comically surprised expression on his broad face, “Huh…”

And Mallymkun bucked as his renewed struggles met a sudden lack of resistance. He scrambled to his feet, whipping around to see if Chess would reappear for another attack. When nothing happened, Mally staggered and fell back to the floor, letting himself feel the pins and needles shooting through his lower half, to which the blood flow had formerly been cut by Chess’s weight.

After a moment of merely lying on his back and breathing, Mally brought his sleeve to his face, wiping at the perspiration that had accumulated there. “What… the actual fuck?” He groaned.


End file.
